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The Volkswagen Group's "Technical Development" department has developed its own dictionary. The unofficial reference work with the name "Business Dictionary Volkswagen" looks like a conventional Langenscheidt dictionary with an additional VW logo, but instead of more than 1,000 it has only 20 pages - but thanks to ironic reinterpretations of typical business phrases they have a lot to offer. Business Insider magazine took a look at the dictionary and has now shared some entries with the public.
The entries in the curious dictionary mostly refer to typical phrases in emails or meetings and are reinterpreted with irony. The dictionary is not limited to terms from the automotive sector, but also includes general words from the business world. Under the letter "A", for example, is the abbreviation "asap", which normally stands for "as soon as possible". However, VW employees explain that the abbreviation can be both a command and a deceptive manoeuvre. In the first case, the abbreviation means something like "Do it immediately!", in the second case, it can be used to stall someone when one does not yet have a result at hand.
The part-time VW language lab has also deciphered the true meaning of the abbreviation "fyi". The three letters are often used at the beginning of emails or memos and stand for the English "for your information". According to the VW dictionary, however, the abbreviation has two completely different meanings. Thus, the speaker can use it 1. as "Please read this through. I don't understand" or 2. "Get it done! I don't feel like it".
However, the dictionary does not only contain abbreviations, but also conventional business terms such as "meeting". VW employees define the term as follows: "Meeting: gathering, meeting, conference; used to make one's mark on the boss with sly remarks, to show off colleagues and to bamboozle customers." Although the entry is meant ironically, there seems to be something to the definition. A former member of the VW board of directors is said to have admitted to Business Insider that a lot of time and energy is indeed wasted in meetings at VW and that in the end no or no satisfactory result emerges.
And in an entry on the letter "T", the employees do not mince their words either and show what they think of "take-home messages": "Quintessence, mnemonic; what you are supposed to take away at events, in meetings or from lectures. In terms of content, usually on the level of a child's birthday bag with balloons, streamers and prehistoric crabs". Finally, there is a new definition of the term "timely" under "Z". At VW, "promptly" is apparently used as a euphemism for "I have no idea by when I'll get this done, probably as quickly as ever".